I’m apart of a mommy Facebook group. Valentines Day was coming up and each mommy talked about their date night plans. I sat on the other side of the screen scrolling through responses, and felt a bit of envy. If only we lived by family, then we could do date night. Date night would be easy if we could find a trusted sitter. These were the thoughts and feelings going through my mind.
There are plenty of benefits to being a military spouse. Time is not one of them. Between the constant moving and a spouse who is gone a lot. It’s hard to cut out time for each other. I’m going to be honest in saying that date night is one of the things me and my husband have neglected in our marriage.
We didn’t neglect date night on purpose. We both didn’t feel comfortable with strangers watching our kids. Even though I was fine with that, I did envy those who had family around to watch their little ones.
The only times we did get date night is when we visited back home and my in-laws watched the kids. The thing is…we don’t visit back home very often.
How it Affected our Marriage
Over time, I realized that by not having date night we were becoming a child centered marriage. That’s great…but not for the fitness of our marriage. I started to feel like it was all about the kids, and not about me and my husbands marriage. Then fear set in and I worried that we would be one of those couples who only talked about the kids and whose kids were the only thing they had in common.
I cherish my relationship with my husband and needed a connection outside of our children. Since it was hard to do date night, what were we to do?
During the time I was struggling with how to do date nights. I was sent a program by Mort Fertel called “7 Secrets for Fixing Your Marriage.” His series offers solutions to a wide range of marital issues. These topics included infidelity, financial problems, depression, and more.
I browsed though each topic and found one specific to date night. As I began to listen, Mort touched on very important key elements that really helped me. He emphasized that it’s not about having the ideal date night. It’s about using whatever circumstances I’m in to my advantage. Here are a few quotes from the digital download.
” It’s about creating time”
“it’s not about the ideal date night, it’s about working with what you have”.
“how can i tweak this and use this situation for our benefit”.
“the people who are successful are people who are looking for opportunities to move the needle just a little bit”.
What did I do?
I’m not a night owl like my husband. As soon as the kids are sleep so am I. However, I realized that after bed time I was missing out on time with my husband. After bed time was a great time to create a date night.
Once the children were in bed me and my husband would watch a movie, or just talked. It was amazing how staying up a little past my bed time helped me feel more connected to my husband. Sure it wasn’t a night on the town, but that didn’t matter. What matter is that we got alone time to connect with each other, and that what was important to me.
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