Family, Marriage, Parenting

How to Get Along With Your Mother-In-Law

how to get along with your mother in law
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When we enter into marriage we aren’t just marrying our husbands, we are also marrying their family.  I really wasn’t for sure  what to expect when I first married my husband.  My mother was my best-friend and I talked to her about everything.  However, shortly after we married my mother passed away.  Though my mother was gone, I still had the need to have a mother figure connection.  That’s when I started getting closer to my mother-in-law.  I constantly compared her to my mother (which was unfair), and I quickly learned that our relationship needed to develop it’s own bond.  However, I wasn’t quite sure how to approach the relationship.  I feel these tips below really helped us develop a relationship.  

Even if you don’t get along with your mother-in-law  these tips can help improve the relationship. Here are some tips on how to get along with your mother-in-law.

How To Get Along With Your Mother-In-Law

how to get along with your mother in law

1.  Find out about what drives her  

I know it’s not your job to be a psychologist, but really study her.  Find out her likes, passions, and life history.  If you really analyze her past you will be able to connect the dots and see why she behaves a certain way.

2.  Empathize with her

This isn’t always easy because I’m sure at some point she has challenged your parenting skills and over stepped her boundaries.  However, unless she is a truly evil person (which most seem that way but they aren’t) try to look beyond what you feel. Try to empathize with her.  Find that tender spot in your heart.  It doesn’t mean you are giving in or backing down.  It just means you are looking at her from an outside perspective.

3. Understanding the Dynamic

Every MIL and son have a certain dynamic.  There will be times when you won’t be able to break that dynamic.  Respect your MIL and husbands dynamic.  This can be tricky because their dynamic can effect your marriage.  When it get’s to that point tell your spouse how it is affecting your marriage.  Try to sit down and talk about how to resolve the issues.

4. Stand up for yourself 

It’s no secret most MIL’s push their boundaries.  They can be overly critical and judgmental.  Most MIL’s think that they can do everything better then their Daughter-In-Law.  During those times, kindly let her know that you can handle the situation. Show  confidence in your mothering.  Most of the time, this helps them realize they need to back off.

5. Let it roll off your back 

There will be times when your MIL says something to make you angry.  And there are times when you don’t have to react to everything she says and does.  You will have to let certain things slide.  Don’t dwell on what she has said or done to you.  If you do that you will constantly resent her.  Focus on yourself and your family.  Don’t take everything she says personally (even if it is personal).

6. Keep her out of your personal life

This is probably the best advice I can offer.  Don’t tell her personal details about your marriage.  She doesn’t need to know the ends and outs of your marriage. Keeping a healthy distance helps reduce conflict.

7.  When all else fails  

Now, I understand that these tips may not work because, some MIL’s are well…CRAZY.  In that situation I would just not engage with her.  I would tell my husband how I feel, and why I’m not interacting with her.  I would only interact with her when necessary.  As long as she isn’t disrespecting you, always be kind during interactions.

Read How to Honor You Mother-In-Law

-Healing Mama

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13 thoughts on “How to Get Along With Your Mother-In-Law

  1. I love all of your tips. They are so great. I love my mother-in-law but she can be difficult. We all are difficult sometimes. 🙂 Letting it roll off your back is something I practice. I also love your advice about not sharing too much with her. It took me many years to learn that. I just pray that I will be a great mother-in-law someday. Thanks for sharing. Will be sharing this on google+ and Facebook. 🙂

  2. It was much easier to get along with my MIL when we were stationed 3000 miles away. 😉 Now, I keep what I say to polite, complimentary things, don't reveal much, and let a lot of things slide. It's not my place to create a gap between my husband and his mother,. Great tips here.

  3. Great tips! I think my MIL and I get along fine, the distance, I'm sure helps. I try to keep her up-to-date with pictures and cards from the kids, which I think helps.
    Thanks for sharing with us at Mommy Monday!

  4. Good tips! It takes time to feel each other out when you get married. I think my MIL and I understand each other and recognize that we each just want to love my husband in our own ways. We don't have to compete with each other or try to tear him in half. I am a fellow milspouse, so we live pretty far away from my in-laws maybe that allows things to be more positive. 😉

  5. I only have boys and I’m terrified that their wives will feel the way about me I feel about my MIL. My husband says he’ll just have to be sure to make enough money to buy their love, lol.

    1. Hahaha! Yes am I can totally relate. I sometimes worry that I might not be liked by my sons wife. It is a worry of mine because I never want to be a Monster-In-Law. Your husband is pretty funny!

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