When I became a wife and mother I anticipated that there would be A LOT of change. I knew my daily life would become different. I also knew my body would change. My life would no longer be centered around me. I was fine with that, in fact I looked forward to it.
However, over the years I find myself wondering “what happened to THAT girl”? I look at old pictures and wonder where did she go? Was there still ramnents of her hidden somewhere in me?
I actually missed THAT girl. I missed her independence, her faith, and her smile. THAT girl had a twinkle in her eye, and passion in her soul. She was ready to conquer the world and her dreams. That girl was confident and joyful about the future.
Then life happened, the good and the bad and That girl became focused on more important things. That girl became a wife to a man in the military. Now that girl must put her dreams in hold, because well…this military life doesn’t really allow her to pursue her dreams right now.
That girl is now focusing on instilling good values into her children. Now she worries about if they are getting enough fruits and veggies. That girl is more concerned about the well-being of her children, then her own.
When marriage and kids happened That girl lost track of what made her happy. So now she feels guilty when she even thinks about her feelings, because the world told her “family first”.
Don’t get me wrong there is still joy and happiness and That girl would never trade it for the world. But now the struggle is finding out where does she fit in this world. Who is she besides someone’s wife and someone’s mother?
She is trying to become what she envisioned she should be, but somehow it’s not happening. So now That girl is stuck with the dilemma of giving up the dream of being her ideal self and surrendering to the circumstances of life.
Everyday she mourns the loss of her old self. But she still holds on to the hope that one day, she will be at least a fraction of the girl…now women she once was.