Family, Marriage, Relationships

5 Reasons You Shouldn’t Be Ashamed to See A Marriage Counselor

ashamed to see a marriage counselor

 

I remember when me and my husband got married.  Everyone’s words of advice were to NEVER EVER talk to other’s about our marital issues.  That stuck with me during our first year of marriage.  I thought “I can handle whatever problems arise in our marriage”.  And I actually did pretty good at handling all of the issues.  You know the tiny stuff newly married couple’s argue about.

However, it seemed like things got real pretty quickly after our marriage.  A new move (across country), new baby, new marriage, and a death in the family(my mother).  All of those things happened within the first six months of marriage.  That’s when things started getting harder for me to handle.  I realized I could no longer handle all of the issues by myself.

We decided to see a marriage counselor.  When we told our family members most said “you don’t need to see a counselor, that’s not how we handle marital problems”.  At first I started to feel shame.  However, I soon realized that if we wanted this marriage to work, we were going to have to put in work.  There shouldn’t be shame in that.

 Ashamed To See A Marriage Counselor

 

  1.  Outside perspective. It’s great to get support from close friends and relatives.  However, a lot of times their views will be biased.  It always good to get insight from someone who is removed from the situation.  They can offer a balanced perspective of the whole situation.
  2. Support.  During the first 6 months of our marriage, I didn’t feel like I had much support.  I felt very alone in our issues.  Of course that probably wasn’t the reality, but when a couple is facing challenging times it can feel very isolating.  Counselor’s can offer that support.  They can also teach how to find a great support network.
  3. New Insight.  When we started seeing the marriage counselor both my husband and I were guilty of doing things that were harmful to our marriage.  Our marriage counselor helped us realize that.  He gave us a new insight as to why we did the things we did.
  4. Strategy.  What I loved most about seeing the marriage counselor was that he provided us, with strategies that would help us improve our marriage.  He gave us different techniques to use when dealing with certain situations.  They proved to be very effective.
  5. Deep Intimacy.  Our sessions helped us get a deeper understanding of each other.  With this deeper understanding, came greater intimacy.  We got to see a vulnerable side of each other.  It wasn’t always easy to get to those points, but it helped us grow closer together.

I hope to remove some of the negative stigma that is associated with marriage counseling.  I hope this post helps someone who is facing a similar situation.

 

 

 

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28 thoughts on “5 Reasons You Shouldn’t Be Ashamed to See A Marriage Counselor

  1. Lovely post with great advice! I agree we should never be ashamed to see a marriage counselor if we still want to save the marriage and be with the person we ever wanted to be since from the beginning. All the best for you and your marriage! #justanotherlinky

  2. It’s amazing to me in this day and age (especially with all the ‘help’ books out there) that there’s still such a stigma attached to certain things. Marriage counseling among them. I mean, why shouldn’t people seek outside help if they have a problem they can’t quite resolve on their own? There are all these sayings… “no man is an island”, “you can’t go it alone”, “it takes a village” and so on. I think that mentality should apply to everything. It’s great that you’re blogging about your experience!

    1. Hello OneDizzy Bee,
      Thank you so much for stopping by. I agree, and it’s that kind of stigma that is very damaging. So many couples think counseling means they failed. Or like I was told “I’m not strong enough”. I hope that starts to end, that way couples can get the help they need.

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  5. My parents stayed together as long as they could stand it and they were NOT doing me any favors. I was sick of both of them until they split, and then I started seeing them as people I could respect again. And frankly if you don’t have kids, just end it. Marriage is expensive slavery and misery made legal. Divorce is just expensive. For the man, that is. If you’re going to throw away that much money, you should at least be enjoying yourself.

    1. Hello Parm Laniado,
      I’m so happy you stopped by and shared your experience. I always wondered about that, “is it better to stay together for the kids or just part”? It seems in your case it benefited your greatly for them to divorce. Marriage can be tough and yes divorce is expensive LOL. And I agree if something is making a person truly unhappy and they have done everything they can to make it work, and it still doesn’t. Let it go.

  6. I love how you realized that your marriage would need work put into it, even if that work was different than other people’s work. No one should ever shame someone for going to a marriage counselor just because they were able to solve their problems themselves. Everyone’s problems are different, and sometimes reaching out to a professional to help can be just the right thing to help[ in your specific situation. Thanks for the sharing.

    1. Hello Hazel, thank you so much for your comment. I totally agree, no one should be ashamed to see a counselor. It only helps us become better people. Thank you for taking the time out to comment and stop by.

  7. Good read! ”Tis true some people feel counseling is the point of human failure and inability to be strong. But in my mind a person or persons who are willing to seek counseling, they are wise. All of these reasons you listed are spot on!

  8. It is so unfortunate that there is such a negative stigma on marriage counseling because it has proven to be so effective. Thank you for sharing these and your story!

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