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Seasons Of Loneliness In Motherhood

seasons of loneliness in motherhood

Here I go again talking about a heavy subject.  I swear I don’t write these post to bring people down, I write them to help lift other’s up.  It’s not always easy for me to address these topics.  Especially this one because it’s something that I’m experiencing right now.   However, my goal is to be as vulnerable as possible and work through this.  Perhaps, along the way I can encourage and inspire other mothers who are going through the same thing.

What Loneliness Is To Me

For me loneliness is a longing to connect to something that is bigger than me.  There are days when I arise and I feel a deep void in my spirit.  It feels like a bottomless pit of nothingness.  I’ll shop or seek company with others and still feel that deep void.

Motherhood can be a very lonely experience sometimes.  With all of the judgement going on lately with  moms judging each other’s parenting styles it often feel like we each are on our own isolated island.  Add to that distance away from family and friends, and it’s easy for loneliness to rear it’s ugly head.

The tough part is conquering those lonely feelings before depression sets in. The bright side is that these seasons of loneliness don’t last long in motherhood.


Why Do Seasons Of Loneliness Happen?

Seasons of loneliness can happen for a variety of reasons.  It could be because of moving to a new location away from family friends, having a child with special needs, being a single mother,  having a spouse that travels a lot, or becoming a new mother. All of these can cause the feeling of isolation and loneliness.

The Lies Of Loneliness

Sometimes, it’s not our fault that we are experiencing loneliness.  Sure the answer could be as simple as “go out and meet people”. However, what about the times when we know a lot of people, but the void of loneliness still remains?

Loneliness can tell  you that you are a horrible person, that you are a bad mother, that you don’t deserve fulfilling relationships, or even that no one cares about you.  These are all of the lies that loneliness tells.

But I’m here to tell you that none of that is true.  Actually loneliness can be used to benefit us as mother’s if we view it in the right way.

Filling The Silence

I’ll be the first to admit, I hate silence.  I hate to stay still and I like to stay busy.  It keeps my mind focused and negative thoughts don’t have time to plague me. However, staying busy is also a form of avoidance and filling the lonely void with nothingness.

When loneliness creeps into my life my first instinct is to fill my schedule with even more things.  It’s too hard to face the issue head on and I’d rather avoid it.  But recently I’ve found that it’s best to face the issue of my loneliness.  To say it’s a tough thing to do is an under statement.

Why Are You Here Loneliness?

Plain and simple, loneliness is here to give me a message.  What message?  Well, for me it’s letting me know that I need to connect with God on a deeper level.  However, for you it maybe something different. Loneliness is a way for God to get my attention, because I’m always so busy.

Accepting Loneliness As Apart Of My Journey

When that lonely feeling strikes, I put down everything and began to read my Bible and pray.  The first scripture I stumbled upon was:

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

It’s true, throughout my whole life God has never left my side.  I’ve lost two parents and I’m the only child and God has been my best friend throughout it all. Though facing loneliness is scary, remembering the Lord is with me during lonely seasons helps me.

Pursue The Loneliness

This is where the hard work begins.  I now must pursue loneliness after I’ve accepted that this is the season I’m in.  I began to journal and ask myself the tough question of “what in my life has caused me to feel lonely?  And it is something that I have decided to choose over God”.

After meditating for awhile I came to the conclusion that I’ve let people and material things take the place of God.  This could be part of the reason why I was feeling so dissatisfied  in my “Mommy Mental Health Checklist” post.  I was using things and people to fulfill my needs, instead of seeking the Lord first.

Filling The Lonely Void

 I read Matthew 6:33

33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Once I begin to establish my relationship with God, I know He will slowly fill the loneliness I feel. Through seeking Him I can find comfort, rest, peace and fulfillment.  I will no longer look to people or things to fill me.  After I let God fulfill my spirit He will add the right things back into my life.

The beautiful thing about different spiritual seasons is that each one plants and cultivates new things within us (if we let it).  Not all seasons are pretty and sunshine.  Some spiritual seasons are cold, dark and rough.  However, they can bring about new and awesome things during the next season in our lives.

Motherhood has many seasons like that, but knowing that you aren’t alone can help the process.  If you are experiencing a rough season in your motherhood journey, just know that it doesn’t last.  Let go and let it bring forth awesome things within you.

seasons of loneliness in motherhood

Have you ever experienced a season of loneliness?

23 thoughts on “Seasons Of Loneliness In Motherhood

  1. I feel like I’m entering a season of loneliness as many of my good friends have moved away or are planning to do so. It bites, and I find myself too tired and disillusioned to develop new bff’s. I need to remember there is value in every season. 🙂

    1. It’s so hard when best friends move away! I’m like that too, I really need to start putting in more effort in building new relationships. But in all honesty I find it rather draining. Hopefully, if you are entering a season of loneliness you will stay encouraged. They don’t last long.

  2. Motherhood can certainly be lonely, especially when you really can’t/don’t want to go out anymore or else a demon possesses your child haha and it isn’t reasonable to get a sitter all the time. I definitely understand the seasons, these things come and go. I feel like blogging really helps me because I can connect with others in a similar situation without subjecting the outside world to tantrums.

    1. Hahaha! Yes I know all to well about the demon possessed child! I love blogging too, it really as helped me build a very supportive set of online friends (such as you) that I’m very grateful for.

  3. I hear you! I often feel lonely. I’m an intense person and not everyone seeks my company. There are times I wish I had a close set of friends, but I realize that the picture in my head is often from the media, not real life, or not modern life. We’re busy. We do more with our hours or let technology bring us together instead of face to face time. Sometimes, my loneliness is for someone who understands and gets me on the deepest level, and I too have realized that often, only God fits that bill.

  4. I’m so proud of you for facing your loneliness head on and sharing it. That’s the beginning of feeling better. Of course, seeking God’s strength and courage to do the footwork too. I had postpartum depression after both of my children were born and still struggle with anxiety and depression today. Rather than running I tend to isolate and pull away from everyone. Thank you for such a brave and honest post. Sending prayers your way that this season passes quickly for you.

  5. Sometimes you can be in a room full of people and you can still feel lonely. I have found a large factor of loneliness if finding peace within and accepting that you are enough. We change so much with motherhood which can make it hard to find that acceptance!

  6. I’m definitely feeling this! It’s been so hard to get out and make new momma friends even though we’ve lived here for a couple years now. And it feels like such a paradox because as a SAHM I’m never alone, but I feel lonely sometimes.

  7. I feel like I write about pretty heavy stuff most of the time. It’s cathartic for me. I’m glad you wrote about this because I constantly need a reminder/reality check on loneliness as someone that is battling with PPD. Being that I was first to enter motherhood in my group of girlfriends made me feel lonely. Such a great reminder that we are not truly alone and that God is there for comfort and reassurance.

  8. Seasons of loneliness are so difficult. I was there for quite a while when I worked exclusively from home. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one.

  9. I loved this and really appreciated your honesty, Nikki! It can be so lonely as a mother when most of your energy is spent on your kids. I’ve felt this way many times this past year since moving 1,400 miles away from friends & family. I still feel like I don’t have those close friendships I desire here. Thank you for the reminder that sometimes I feel this way, though, because I have allowed other things to fill me up instead of God. I know He can and has used loneliness as a way to draw me closer, until I want Him more than anyone else. I’m reminded of Kari Jobe’s, “I Am Not Alone”, which is such a beautiful song about God always being with you.

  10. You are amazing love. I enjoy all of your posts and your honesty. I can totally relate with you. I’m an extremely positive person but I feel lonely sometimes as well. When we moved away from my family and friends I had an extremely difficult time adjusting. I too solve my feeling of loneliness with keeping my self busy. I love that you reminded me to turn to God is prayer and in reading the word of God. I love that God can help us in any situation or feeling we are feeling. Thanks for the amazing reminder. 🙂

  11. Very inspiring and heartfelt post. I have found that when I sort through my feelings and address the things that have been bothering me and confining me to my personal prison, I am able to connect better with others. Like you said, just becoming busy is not the solution. Great post!

  12. Thank you so much for sharing this! Your journey completely spoke to my soul! I am struggling with loniless now, and you helped me realize I need to turn to God to fill that void within me. No amount of busyness helps me to work through it, because it’s always there. I have wonderful children, and supportive family around, but i now realize I need God to move forward. Thank you for sharing!

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