What Loneliness Is To Me
For me loneliness is a longing to connect to something that is bigger than me. There are days when I arise and I feel a deep void in my spirit. It feels like a bottomless pit of nothingness. I’ll shop or seek company with others and still feel that deep void.
Motherhood can be a very lonely experience sometimes. With all of the judgement going on lately with moms judging each other’s parenting styles it often feel like we each are on our own isolated island. Add to that distance away from family and friends, and it’s easy for loneliness to rear it’s ugly head.
The tough part is conquering those lonely feelings before depression sets in. The bright side is that these seasons of loneliness don’t last long in motherhood.
Why Do Seasons Of Loneliness Happen?
Seasons of loneliness can happen for a variety of reasons. It could be because of moving to a new location away from family friends, having a child with special needs, being a single mother, having a spouse that travels a lot, or becoming a new mother. All of these can cause the feeling of isolation and loneliness.
The Lies Of Loneliness
Sometimes, it’s not our fault that we are experiencing loneliness. Sure the answer could be as simple as “go out and meet people”. However, what about the times when we know a lot of people, but the void of loneliness still remains?
Loneliness can tell you that you are a horrible person, that you are a bad mother, that you don’t deserve fulfilling relationships, or even that no one cares about you. These are all of the lies that loneliness tells.
But I’m here to tell you that none of that is true. Actually loneliness can be used to benefit us as mother’s if we view it in the right way.
Filling The Silence
I’ll be the first to admit, I hate silence. I hate to stay still and I like to stay busy. It keeps my mind focused and negative thoughts don’t have time to plague me. However, staying busy is also a form of avoidance and filling the lonely void with nothingness.
When loneliness creeps into my life my first instinct is to fill my schedule with even more things. It’s too hard to face the issue head on and I’d rather avoid it. But recently I’ve found that it’s best to face the issue of my loneliness. To say it’s a tough thing to do is an under statement.
Why Are You Here Loneliness?
Plain and simple, loneliness is here to give me a message. What message? Well, for me it’s letting me know that I need to connect with God on a deeper level. However, for you it maybe something different. Loneliness is a way for God to get my attention, because I’m always so busy.
Accepting Loneliness As Apart Of My Journey
When that lonely feeling strikes, I put down everything and began to read my Bible and pray. The first scripture I stumbled upon was:
Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
It’s true, throughout my whole life God has never left my side. I’ve lost two parents and I’m the only child and God has been my best friend throughout it all. Though facing loneliness is scary, remembering the Lord is with me during lonely seasons helps me.
Pursue The Loneliness
This is where the hard work begins. I now must pursue loneliness after I’ve accepted that this is the season I’m in. I began to journal and ask myself the tough question of “what in my life has caused me to feel lonely? And it is something that I have decided to choose over God”.
After meditating for awhile I came to the conclusion that I’ve let people and material things take the place of God. This could be part of the reason why I was feeling so dissatisfied in my “Mommy Mental Health Checklist” post. I was using things and people to fulfill my needs, instead of seeking the Lord first.
Filling The Lonely Void
I read Matthew 6:33
33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Once I begin to establish my relationship with God, I know He will slowly fill the loneliness I feel. Through seeking Him I can find comfort, rest, peace and fulfillment. I will no longer look to people or things to fill me. After I let God fulfill my spirit He will add the right things back into my life.
The beautiful thing about different spiritual seasons is that each one plants and cultivates new things within us (if we let it). Not all seasons are pretty and sunshine. Some spiritual seasons are cold, dark and rough. However, they can bring about new and awesome things during the next season in our lives.
Motherhood has many seasons like that, but knowing that you aren’t alone can help the process. If you are experiencing a rough season in your motherhood journey, just know that it doesn’t last. Let go and let it bring forth awesome things within you.