While me and my husband laid on the bed last night, while we playing with Sugar Bee (our newest addition). My husband looked at me and said “you know I feel closer to you than ever before”. I smiled because I felt exactly the same, “Me too. We have grown more intimate this year, and it feels great”.
Looking back, getting to this place wasn’t fun. I’m sure there are other ways to grow more intimate with your spouse, but we unintentionally took an unpleasant route. I guess that’s the beauty of God’s plan for our marriage.
What 2016 Has Taught Me About Intimacy In My Marriage
I can’t write this post truthfully without sharing the good, bad and the ugly. I mean, no marriage is perfect and I never would want to portray otherwise on this blog. So today I’m going to share with you how we developed deeper intimacy in our marriage.
Loss has helped me and my husband experience greater intimacy. After tragically losing a close relative we were forced into a very vulnerable position in our marriage. Navigating the fragile waters of mourning was very hard. At that point we only could take it day by day.
Along with losing our loved one, we also lost all inhibitions with each other. We were able to talk about things open and honestly. I feel this brought us closer.
I remember when I first posted about losing a close relative and my pregnancy a reader said “this is the circle of life”. They were absolutely right. Though we lost someone important to us, we gained a new life. The experience of bringing life into this world alone is amazing, but having my husband there to support me and witness the birth of our daughter was very emotional.
The birth of my daughter represented so many things, hope, renewal, and joy.
We have always been a praying couple, but I’ll be honest in saying we used to pray separately. I saw no harm in that, but I also realized that it is important to pray together. I feel praying together has brought us closer to God and that has allowed us to get through these tough times.
So when our kids were little I felt like I was the primary parent. I did most of the caring and disciplining. But then it got to a point where I couldn’t assert myself in certain areas with the kids. At first I thought I just sucked at being mom, but then I learned that our kids needed a balanced approached. They need my husbands guidance.
Now we must work as a team to raise our children. He compensates in whatever area I lack in and vice versa. I’ve also learned to back him up and support him so that he feels confident as parent, and he does the same for me.
What This Level Of Intimacy Feels Like To Me
Getting to this point was hard, but I’ve come to appreciate my marriage so much more. I feel like me and my husband are more than husband and wife, and even more than friends. I would have never chosen this path for our marriage myself. If I would have seen the future for our marriage I probably would have bailed out a long time ago. But I’m so thankful that God has brought us through, and allowed us to experience such a close feeling to one another.
Developing this level of intimacy doesn’t mean we still don’t have arguments, because we do. It just means that there is a deeper level of empathy and understanding when we don’t see eye to eye.
Going through these things in 2016 reminds me of this scripture:
28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.