It’s that time of year again! My six year wedding anniversary is approaching. At first I wasn’t going to write this post because often times I feel silly writing about marriage. I mean, what do I know? I find each year presents it’s own challenges and each year I gain a new perspective on love and relationships. So I thought I might share with you what I’ve learned this year in our marriage. If you want you can read my five year anniversary post called “Why Did I Get Married”?
Six years of marriage has pushed me out of my comfort more than I would have liked it to. However, getting pushed out my comfort zone forced me to grow in ways that I didn’t know I could. So what are the 6 things I did in my marriage that I didn’t want to do? Keep reading to find out.
Give When I Didn’t Have Much To Give
After caring for the kids, at the end of the evening I was too tired to sit a watch a movie. I needed my sleep! But I also realized that we had that precious alone time, that could be used to reconnect and enjoy each others company without the kids.
I didn’t have much to give my husband, because like I said my kids used up most of my energy during the day. But since time is precious, it is the best gift that I could give my husband. My time.
Even though I thought spending that extra time in the evening with my husband would make me tired, surprisingly I would be reenergized the next day.
Forgive When I Didn’t Want To
We mess up in marriage, I mess up, my husband messes up, it’s just apart of being in a relationship. Actually, marriage should be renamed Forgiveness LOL.
I’m good at holding grudges, it’s just a talent I have. LOL. However, because God constantly forgives me, I must forgive my husband. When God forgives us, He doesn’t remember our sins. So along with forgiving him, I must forget. I actually think forgetting is the hardest part of the forgiveness process.
There were also times, we I needed to apologize to my husband for things that I have said or done. And I wanted nothing more for him to forgive and forget. I also think of this scripture when I’m having a hard time forgiving my husband.
Matthew 6:14-1514 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Prayed When I Didn’t Want To Pray
I’m not sure who told me this tidbit, but they said “when you don’t feel like praying is usually the time you need to pray the most, those prayers make the most impact”.
There were some challenges this year that no matter what I said or did, I felt I wasn’t helping the situation. In my exhausted state I got on my knees and prayed. I didn’t feel like it because there was a part of me, that thought “what’s the use”? But then I remember that no situation or challenge is too big for God. He can solve whatever problems that we can’t.
See The Good When I Didn’t Feel Like It
So imagine this…I’m standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes,and I’m frustrated because my husband keeps getting new cups each time he gets something to drink. I begrudgingly whispered to myself “why can’t he just use one cup”? Then I would start thinking about all of the other stuff he doesn’t do or stuff he does that gets on my nerves. Then I start getting into a horrible mood, and promise to give him a earful when he walks through the door.
16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.[a]
Tell Him What I Need
For so long I thought my husband was a mind reader, then I learned he wasn’t. I couldn’t understand how he didn’t know what I needed. Wasn’t it obvious that I was drowning in my daily task as a wife and mother?
It wasn’t obvious to my husband, which I credit to him being a man. Then one day I just started telling him what I needed from him, and he happily obliged. I do have to remind him, but it’s never an issue when I do.
Doing this has caused less stress and frustration on my part. If I’m unhappy about something…I tell him.
Don’t Take Every Issue Personally
I take a lot of things personally. I sometimes think that my husbands choices are directly related to me. However, over time I’ve learned that he is his own person with his own thoughts that have absolutely nothing do with me. I’ve also learned that sometimes he has to make decision for the greater good of our family, and I shouldn’t take it personally.
I’ll use myself as an example. This weekend I want time away from him and the kids. It’s not because of them, but because I need me time. It would make me sad if my husband thought I wanted me time, because I didn’t want to be around him. I just need me time to recharge my batteries.
I’ve learned to give him the freedom to feel what he is feeling without taking it personal.
What are some things that you’ve learned in your marriage? Please share.